Introducing the Purple PISS Carbon Offset Program!

Introducing the Purple PISS Carbon Offset Program!

That’s right, folks — at PurplePISS.com, we’re taking bold steps to address the carbon crisis in the most ironically impactful way possible. Forget planting trees or saving whales. We’ve gone one step further: offsetting vegan climate protesters.

Here’s how it works: when you select “Offset My Carbon Footprint” at checkout, we’ll generously increase the amount of packaging we use on your order. More bubble wrap? Done. Extra layers of shrink wrap? You got it. We’ll even throw in a single-use plastic bag inside another single-use plastic bag, just to be thorough.

And for every item shipped, we’ll print your receipt in triplicate — because what better way to make your carbon offsetting count than by increasing the demand for paper?

Why stop there? For our premium offsetters, we’re introducing the “Smoky Shipping” option. For a modest additional fee, we’ll ensure your package makes an extra-long journey via gas-guzzling delivery routes. It’s not about convenience; it’s about making a difference…somehow.

So, why settle for trendy eco-friendliness when you can embrace unapologetic reality and really make a statement? Join the Purple PISS movement today and remember: every box counts.